Episode 8

 

ARD – Seelenfänger (Soul Catcher – Soul Hunter) Podcast – Toxic Tantra 24.04.2024 

8. Therapy 

narrator: A town, somewhere in Germany, 2022. Liz is at the end of the road.
Liz: I failed and gave up. And I felt like I begged for it and did my best and just failed.
narrator: Liz couldn't raise the money for the herbs. She still remembers the exact words from the herb letter: "Anyone who cannot afford to buy the herbs is showing a lack of will and breaking the sacred oath." Liz: It feels like a kind of test, the ultimate test. It's like you got the winning lottery ticket now, you got the invitation in gold letters: "Please be very aware and very attentive to this invitation." narrator: Liz is sure she needs to commit herself even more to yoga school life. She must enter this ashram of the German Traditional Yoga Academy. But how?
Liz: Because I noticed that a lot of people who were already living in the ashram, they just gave up their apartment, so to speak, and then they were allowed to move into the ashram. It was like an entrance ticket.
narrator: That's it. Liz thinks they'll get her before she ends up on the street, homeless. She writes another letter to Grieg. She asks her permission to live in the ashram. She is attaching bikini photos. And she writes another letter to the landlady. Liz is giving notice for her apartment.
Liz: This is now my proof of loyalty to the group, to the faith, and to the guru. He will see that.
It was like a total sacrifice to belong to him.
narrator: Will this resignation be her ticket to the ashram? The end of her old life?

Here is "Soul Catcher". Season 4, Toxic Tantra.
A podcast made by Christiane Havranek and me, Katja Peisen-Petersen.
Episode 8, Therapy.

narrator: When Liz wants to move into this ashram from the German Traditional Yoga Academy, someone outside notices and wants to stop her. She's Liz's therapist. She plays an important role in Liz's story because she has always been there.
Liz's Therapist: Well, at first she told me she thought it was just a normal yoga school. I wasn't worried at all.
narrator: She is, Amelie Warnschaffe. Christiane meets her for dinner in her office kitchen after a full day of therapy sessions. Liz has waived her doctor-patient confidentiality for this conversation about her yoga school experiences.
Liz's Therapist: It still amazes me how intelligence is undermined in this way. In other words, the fact that people who actually have discernment and intelligence, end up in a situation where they are somehow lost.
narrator: It was the same with Eva and Nathalie. It's as if these smart women turned their common sense switch to "OFF" while attending yoga school. Have you ever thought to yourself while listening to this podcast, “This would never happen to me. Would I see through that?” Or "Why didn't she just say NO?" The psychotherapist says it can happen to anyone.
Liz's Therapist: Because the emotion is stronger.
Narrator: Because sometimes you're at a point in life where you'd rather follow your feelings than be rational. Like when you fall in love, maybe.
Liz's Therapist: If you ask about that, then the doubts and the resentments have always been there, and the awareness of what is wrong is then denied, because the attraction is greater and because there are always arguments that nullify the doubts.
Narrator: But Liz came out of it, and her therapist was instrumental in that. We want to hear from her how she managed not to lose Liz.
Liz's therapist: I didn't try to hold her back, I didn't put any kind of pressure on her. I told her: "if you don't feel comfortable with me, that's okay. Get in touch with me if you want to see me again.” As a result, I also had breaks from therapy and never followed through. She always came back alone.
narrator: If you know someone who is part of a destructive group or someone who is at risk of being drawn into it, don't try to speak out against the group, advises Amelie Warnschaffe.
Liz's Therapist: I've had to swallow quite a bit in the coronavirus pandemic, too, all the things I've been involved in and talked about, where I've had to get my own attitude or even anger under control.
narrator: Liz often talked about the Apocalypse and at the same time had a certificate from a naturopathic doctor so she wouldn't have to wear a mask. Her therapist often felt like she was fighting a beast, against what Liz had obviously internalized in yoga school.
Liz's Therapist: What gave me the upper hand, so to speak, was this non-demanding and non-judgmental.
I said, "As long as it's good for you, then go there. That's your decision." Narrator: That's different from yoga school, where Liz felt like she had to follow very specific instructions.
Liz's therapist: I think that really helped her see the difference. When she's with me, she has a choice.
narrator: So, one more piece of advice from a psychotherapist for relatives. Offer yourselves. Have an open ear.
And very importantly, don't judge because if loved ones are ever in doubt, there is someone from the good old world, someone they can turn to. That someone will be you. Liz's therapist did not judge for almost three years. But there were also situations where she had to say something. When Liz told her about the bikini pictures, for example.
Liz's therapist: I was sure then that it was a very abusive structure and that it was dangerous. At that time, I took a clear position. And I think now I would also recommend to relatives that if you are told about actual boundary violations, you should also say that this is not acceptable. Such a thing is not possible, nothing can justify such a thing.
narrator: Amelie Warnschaffe knew that Liz's inner voice was buried somewhere among the theories about demons, angels, and gurus. She wanted to strengthen her.
Liz's therapist: I advised her to educate herself, explained again how to check facts and what reliable media organizations are. And then she actually did it. Then at some point I think he came across a documentary or an article about conspiracy theories and I think that article was actually the turning point.
narrator: It all happens when Liz wants to move into the ashram room. She actually has a desire to devote herself totally. On the other hand, doubts are growing.
And now we're at the point in Liz's story that decides everything, because Liz talks to her therapist about her dilemma.She confesses to her that she gave notice for her apartment.
Liz: But then, with the help of my therapist, I kind of got back in touch with my mind and said, "Okay, let's save my apartment now." Narrator: This will be Liz's exit.
Liz: My therapist helped me turn things around and sort of turn things around with the help of a lawyer. And that was very tiring, there were weeks of endless stress, but we still managed to save the apartment.
narrator: Liz doesn't move into the ashram room.
Liz: I think if that had happened, I don't know if I would have left by now.
narrator: Liz ends up going back to her old life. She has no friends, no steady job, no money, and is totally unsure of right and wrong.
While Liz is in the process of leaving yoga school, Nathalie is still at her core. In April 2022, she travels to Paris for the second time to see her guru.
Nathalie: This time it was really crowded, so there were about, I don't know, 7 other girls there with me.
narrator: "Everybody is waiting together, in the room with all the books. Then I hear voices from Bivolaru's room." That's how she remembers it.
Nathalie: He was kind of in the room with another girl and all of a sudden he starts bending over her completely and yelling at her.
Narrator: Shortly thereafter, the woman enters. She tells them that Bivolaru chased her away.
Nathalie: Because he said: "yes, your belly has to shrink, otherwise it won't work".
narrator: Nathalie often realizes that Bivolaru is causing a scandal.
Nathalie: If we do something wrong, he gets completely pissed off.
narrator: So when he's in his room, he has to make an effort, Nathalie thinks. She must be able to do the different sex positions, because they are always the same. Bivolaru explains it to them once, at initiation, but not at other meetings.
Nathalie: If you don't know that, then there will be problems. Like, "God, you're not focused" and all that.
Exactly, but that's why we often practiced in our room when we were there with other girls. Okay, how do we go from one position to another and from foot here to foot there? So that we don't do anything wrong, so that we don't bend over backwards.
narrator: Nathalie doesn't question this behavior. She knows why that is. When he yells at you, he's doing you a favor.
Nathalie: When he yells at you, he basically destroys your pride. So, spiritually, you just passed the test and everything is wonderful.
narrator: During this visit, her guru is happy with her. But then, at the next meeting in June 2022, something happens.
Nathalie: The body just stopped cooperating. Nothing was working anymore.
narrator: Nathalie just can't have sex with the old man anymore.
Nathalie: The moment I walked out the door, he said "Yeah, if it happens again, you'll have to shave your head!" narrator: He shaves his head. Nathalie has seen it again and again, before, in Bucharest. Women with bald heads. A penance for wrongs done.
Nathalie: Many, many girls do this at school. They are threatened with it and then follow through. Some also do it voluntarily, because there is a spiritual idea behind it. But that's normal at school.
Narrator: And other girls who dropped out of school told us about it and also that Bivolaru still scares them. Will Nathalie be bald soon too? Cut off her long brown hair? Never, she thinks to herself.
She is led back to the first house, to the women who await her.
Nathalie: And then I had a really bad emotional reaction. 24 hours later I was just crying.
I couldn't even stop, so my whole body was going through it. All the girls said something like: "Yes, everything is a purification. It all comes out now and it's all good and then you come back and it's all better." And then I said: "Girl, I'm definitely not coming back!". I didn't say that, of course, but I thought about it.
narrator: Nathalie flies back to Bucharest, to Jasper.
Nathalie: I told him everything, so I told him that I always went there. It was like that, it was like that last time, and everything is terrible.
narrator: When Nathalie reveals all this to Jasper, he can only think of one thing at first: "Holy Shit!" That's what he told us too. During his time at the yoga school, he heard stories from time to time. About Bivolaru who spiritually initiates women in Paris. But he didn't find out anything. Everything was always so top secret. Now that Nathalie has told him everything down to the smallest detail, Jasper is simply annoyed and disgusted by Bivolaru. Jasper begins to question everything. The story he was told about why Bivolaru is hiding from the authorities. School teachings.
Jasper breaks up with the other girl and chooses Nathalie. And because they now question everything, the two come into conflict with their yoga teachers and their friends at school. They want to confront their guru with these doubts.
Nathalie writes an email to Gregorian Bivolaru. The address is without a clear name, with a Russian domain.
Nathalie: He has to be an intermediary, because his English is not good enough, so someone has to translate for him. But he reads these e-mails, because when I was there, he also talked to me about things that I sent him in letters.
Narrator: In this email, she doesn't mention the meeting with Bivolaru that went wrong. She mentions the problems she has with some of the yoga teachers at the school, writes that they do not act like role models in her eyes.
Nathalie: And this is what I wrote: "I'm very sorry, but when I look at these people, I don't want to stay at school.
If school is turning me into that kind of person, then thanks, no!” I was really super honest about how I felt at that moment.
Narrator: It doesn't take long and Nathalie gets an answer. An e-mail, several pages long.
It is signed "The Selfsame" ("The self-same")
The author writes in the "plural of majesty", that is, in the WE form. Nathalie has to struggle to get through this email because it's all worded a bit strangely and with a lot of chatter.
He talks about Jesus, Lucifer and the Apocalypse. "Selfsame" attests to her  psycho-emotional problems.
She has failed certain tests and is under the influence of demons and there is nothing more that can be done for her.
It's like playing roulette, he says. "Nothing will add to us!" ("Nothing works!") Jasper also receives Selfsame's reply email. None of them can believe what they are reading.
Nathalie: He said I have some kind of psychological problem. I did not say that.
Narrator: They're both completely clear now.
Nathalie: If he was a real teacher, spiritual guru or whatever, then he would have helped me.
So then he would say, okay bunny, come on, you can do this and this and this and this now and then you'll feel better. But he wasn't like that at all. So he was completely caught up in a kind of fever dream.
narrator: The two now want to know how their guru will react when he learns the truth. So Nathalie writes to him again. It begins with the words "Dear G".
Nathalie: I would like to give you some information about my experience and our meetings, as well as what I have heard from other girls I have met during my visits.
narrator: She writes to him that she was constantly afraid of doing something wrong with him and then being scolded.
Nathalie: From my point of view, it's not a "YES" if I'm too afraid to say "NO".
narrator: Nathalie sends the email and waits for a week. Then Selfsame answers her.
Nathalie should urgently try to fight the demonic states in her being. She should name the women who say they were scared when they met him. He had never raised his voice or screamed and sends Nathalie a testimony. He says it was written by a German woman after meeting him. Even long after
that, she had endless orgasms. A divine pleasure. He says he has more than 3,000 testimonials, according to the email, from women who apparently were filmed after initiation or who wrote him letters.
Nathalie: I mean, if you imagine that every woman who goes there does a testimonial for every date she has with him, and he's been doing that for I don't know how many years, yeah, I can imagine.
narrator: Is Bivolaru trying to protect himself with this? It would not be the only attempt, because there is something else.
A kind of contract. Nathalie received it every time she met with Bivolaru and she had to sign it and return it. But on the last visit, she forgot.
Nathalie: And then I basically took it with me. I thought that was cool. I was thinking "oh, now I have something, I have proof!" Narrator: The document is six pages long, in black and white. At the top is the Declaration.
The text begins with the words: "I, the undersigned, born at, in, declare the following without reservation and willingly..."
Christiane: Well, I find it interesting. Something about trying to protect yourself, so to speak, that you've never consumed alcoholic beverages?
Nathalie: Yes, nonsense.
Christiane: "I have never been raped, I have never been trafficked, I have never been blackmailed, threatened, terrorized." It's amazing that here they say it's common sense about anything.
"I can't complain about anything that traumatized me."
Nathalie: This note probably came out after they were reprimanded and then, of course, they put in this note everything the girl probably said, like, "Yeah, none of that happened!" Christiane: So all the accusations have nothing behind them.
Nathalie: Exactly.
Narrator: I showed this statement to our lawyer at Bayerischer Rundfunk. She says none of this would have much probative value in court, especially if Nathalie doesn't corroborate her statements later.
It's not even a contract if only one party signs it.
But the statement is leverage against many women who signed it with their first and last names. As are the testimonials. Just like the bikini photos.
Shortly after corresponding with The Selfsame, Jesper receives letters from his school friends.
Nathalie is possessed by demons. He should stay away from her. This is when Nathalie finally leaves. Together with Jesper. They both have each other and Nathalie is quickly reunited with her old life. There is her best friend, who has been waiting for her for a long time.
Nathalie: She always listened, she was always totally non-judgmental. And when I came out, she said: "Hallelujah! I was so afraid for you!” But she did well, because you know if someone is in a group like that and you start shooting at them, then that person just runs away. And that's why she did really well, she was always there, always with an attitude like, "Okay, I'm going to listen to this, yeah, everything's fine," just so she could somehow keep in touch.
narrator: Jesper and Nathalie move to Thailand. Nathalie uses her psychology degree.
Offers relationship counseling sessions. And Jesper does the same. The views they hold today are very different from those of the ATMAN Yoga movement. It's about listening to your own body or seeing jealousy as something that's just there and you can't train it to go away.
Nathalie: If my body says NO, then it's not just my problem. It's a problem with the environment I'm in because it's not right and I don't feel safe.
But I don't have to say "hey body, what's up with you?" narrators: Nathalie, Liz, Eva. They let us interview them because they want to warn us.
Because obviously the judiciary can't do anything because in the end they took every step voluntarily.
But then comes November 28, 2023: Breaking news, France: “… Ivy sur Marnes. Des femmes sous l'emprise de quelle qu'elles appelaient Grieg. Une ancienne adepte raconte avoir subi sexuels.”
narrator: Gregorian Bivolaru is arrested in France. The Paris prosecutor's office is investigating rape, human trafficking, breach of trust of a person under protection and kidnapping in an organized gang. Several homes are searched. Money totaling 300,000 euros was allegedly found at Bivolaru's residence. But that's not all. The legal situation in France is different from that in Germany. Therefore, spiritual abuses can be traced more easily. There is even a kind of sect law and a state committee to monitor and combat sectarian deviations. When we learn of Bivolaru's arrest, we immediately contact the dropouts we are in contact with. They send us voicemails.
Nathalie: I hope that with the statements on the merits, it's enough to kind of keep him there for a while.
Narrator: Whether there really is enough evidence for a conviction, we don't know now, in March 2024, when we do this podcast. Until then, the presumption of innocence applies.
Nathalie: And of course the best thing would be for all the other schools below to also be able to go to court. There is no hope of this shit crashing down in a very cool and epic domino effect, so to speak.
narrator: Liz, Nathalie and Eva are all watching our report on Bivolaru's arrest.
"You read that the German Academy of Traditional Yoga writes about the accusations against Bivolaru.
DatY is not involved in such activities. The association does not organize, promote or support such activities. They are not aware of any such DAtY-related testimony.
They are also not aware of any cases of brainwashing, manipulation or abuse of power." These words enrage Liz and Eva. Nathalie, on the other hand, is not surprised.
Nathalie: So that's what they're saying now, or the German school is saying right now, "yes, we have nothing to do with it, we're not manipulating anyone and it's not brainwashing" and so on. I can understand that somewhere, because the thing is, the people who write this are manipulated, so of course it's not brainwashing for them, they don't see it. So when I was there, I didn't see either.
narrator: Nathalie also thinks about the many women the police have found in their raids in the squalid flats.
Nathalie: In the media, yes, it says they were released, but the thing is, the girls who were there mostly didn't see things that way. The fact that he was being chased by the police was part of the whole story that they always told us, so I don't think it's like, "oh, well, I've been released and now the problem with the school is
over."
narrator: Nathalie still knows the world of school incredibly well, because that's exactly what MISA, the Romanian yoga school, focuses on. On December 12, exactly two weeks after Bivolaru's arrest, in a press statement entitled "The accusations are all over the press, but where are the victims?", MISA writes that none of the alleged victims consider themselves exploited, abused , kidnapped or rape victim.
Of course, I also spoke to MISA's press officer, Cosmina Oprea, about this. She tells us that she spoke to some of the Romanian women who were found by the police during the house raids.
Cosmina Oprea: They have returned home and we have the opportunity to meet them.
narrator: "Some of these women," the press spokeswoman tells us, "were traumatized, yes, but because of the way the French police treated them." Cosmina Oprea: They were extremely, extremely aggressive with each one, no one explained to them what was happening.
I mean, they asked all the time: "but why are you doing this, show us something, do you have a mandate?" Narrator: The police were extremely aggressive. Spiritual communities, in particular, are at the center of state persecution, she tells us. She is one hundred percent sure that Bivolaru is innocent.
Cosmina Oprea: If something bad happened, first of all, we wouldn't have thousands of people who would stay in school for four years. Seriously, I mean, ok, you can fool 100 people, you can fool maybe 200 people I don't know, but thousands of people, for years, let's be serious!
narrator: "If it was so bad, why did thousands of people stay in school for years?" We want to find out from Cosmina Oprea if the houses where the women stayed in Paris are MISA houses.
No, she says. She suspects that these houses belong to private individuals and were made available to yogis to take some kind of spiritual retreat.
Cosmina Oprea: It's a retreat to a quiet, peaceful place in the modern world, that was the main reason, to have a place to practice yoga and focus on your spiritual development. In this context, there are people who come from different countries.
Narrator: Because it comes to spiritual development, of course, now we want to know officially what exactly was happening at Bivolaru in Paris.
Narrator: I spoke to several yoga students, they told us that they went to something called an initiation with Gregorian Bivolaru, which was something tantric...
Cosmina Oprea: Yes, I read about it in the newspapers. Okay, if they said that, they should explain what it was, and they should be able to prove it. That's all I can say.
Erstëller: So what do you say, does it exist or not?
Cosmina Oprea: I don't know, I'm saying that if they claim that there are such things, someone should be able to bring some evidence.
narrator: According to MISA, women should provide evidence. It's difficult if you have to hand over your mobile beforehand, as Christiane also said happened at Bivolaru. The spokeswoman answers: Cosmina Oprea: What do they mean by abuse? They said they did something, they were forced to do it, they weren't forced to do it, they change their mind.
Narrator: What do they mean by abuse, say they were forced to do something and changed their mind?
Cosmina Oprea: The fact that people, you know, realize after a few years that they have been abused, traumatized, please, and only after someone else tells them this as an expert, these things are really strange and not very believable and many , have often been proven to be false.
Narrator: So Cosmina Oprea suspects that someone else told the women that they were abused by him, and in such cases it turned out many times that it was false, so to be honest, we really don't have a reply.
We want to know if she knows of any yoga students having sex with Bivolaru when she had an initiation.
Cosmina Oprea: It's not about having sex, it's about making love.
Narrator: We want to find out if she knows of any yoga students who made love to Bivolaru at initiation.
Cosmina Oprea: I cannot answer this question.
narrator: We want to know if she knows that the women were brought from Romania to Paris, wearing big hats and sunglasses, by the people from MISA.
Cosmina Oprea: I read in the newspapers that people claim that this is happening. I've never heard of this happening in real life, of people involved in it. The official answer is that we are not aware that such a thing is happening in Romania. Not. This is the best answer I could give in my official capacity, and I do not pretend to know everything that is going on in the world.
Narrator: MISA's official position is that it does not know of such a thing happening in Romania. She doesn't pretend to know everything that's going on in the world.
After Bivolaru's arrest, I published an article on BR24 and wrote that this podcast was in the works. Anyone with information for us is welcome to contact us. And indeed, people do get in touch. They write that they also had experiences with the yoga movement and Bivolaru. Almost all of them went to the German Academy of Traditional Yoga in Munich, in Freiburg, in Dresden, in Berlin. Their experiences took place different periods of time ago, but their memories are very similar, even in the details. They tell us about the act of cleaning as karma yoga, about bikini photos, about Shakti groups, about women with shaved heads, about medicinal plants. One of them had a friend with cancer who refused treatment and died.
They tell us about brainwashing, about manipulation. Some of them received an invitation from Bivolaru, sent by the yoga teacher. One of them describes a top secret conspiratorial meeting in the park.
Some of them didn't make the trip to Bivolaru itself, but others did.
We alone contacted more than 20 students who dropped out of school.
What does the German Academy of Traditional Yoga have to say about this? I waited a long time for an answer.
It arrived in early March 2024. The DAtY president wrote to Christiane and she called me right away, of course.
Christiane: The email arrived. I will open it now. He also apologizes again for taking so long and here are the answers.
Narrator: For almost three months we have been trying to communicate with the DAtY president. He practices here in Munich, and this is also where the headquarters of the association is located. We would have liked to visit him for an interview, but he does not want to answer us except in writing.
Narrator: The email is very long.
Christiane: It has 6 pages.
narrator: Christiane first looks for the point that interests us most. Does DAtY know that some of the participants in their courses went to Gregorian Bivolaru in Paris for the so-called initiation?
Christiane: Write quite succinctly: "No, we are not aware of this. There are some, let's say, that, in retrospect, I describe as abuse." How do they judge this? And then it simply says, in general terms, that the DAtY strongly condemns abuse of those under its protection, rape, human trafficking or deprivation of liberty, as well as any criminal offence.
Narrator: We get the feeling that the DAtY president avoids us when things get critical.
DAtY emphasizes that it is an independent association and has no point of contact with MISA, apart from some teaching content. They are just part of the same umbrella organization ATMAN. He also writes that every program is voluntary, for example the body cleansing fast. Liz told us on the red blanket in the park that she lost a lot of weight during the yoga experience - the fasting was extreme. DAtY writes that, in general, "we advise against extreme cures."
Christiane: And now, watch out, here it comes. According to our research, there is a kind of ritual in Shakti groups or for admission to an ashram: submitting a bikini photo. Correct?
"There are no admissions rituals for any of the DAtY events and no photos of any kind are required." narrator: Sure, former members tell us, it's not mandatory, everything is voluntary. Even the supposedly demonic shows and movies that Liz told us about. "Each participant must decide for himself, based on the principles from the courses. And course participants should actually keep certain course contents secret because not everyone is properly trained in the methods,” writes the DAtY president.
Christiane: The next sentence that comes up, I find it very blatant, because I've talked to several people recently who have told me the exact opposite. It was very believable.
The president writes that there are no meditations in our events where participants should practice with photos of Gregorian Bivolaru.
Narrator: Should he practice? Does it mean that no one tells them they have to, but some of them willingly meditate with Bivolaru's photos? We then send another email with questions but get nothing back. Also, we would have liked to talk personally with the president of DAtY about another issue, because here too there is room for interpretation.
Christiane: According to our research, it was possible to write messages to Gregorian Bivolaru at DAtY to get advice from him. Communication was said to be through the yoga teachers at DAtY.
Are you aware of this? "DAtY does not offer such a thing".
narrator: Aren't DAtY yoga teachers part of DAtY? Or is it, again, a private matter for each individual teacher or is it not an offer? We are confused.
And we hope to get a really clear and unequivocal answer to that last question. If DAtY is aware that its participants seek advice from Bivolaru when they have health problems, instead of going to the doctor?
Christiane: The DAtY believes that any health problem should be examined by a doctor or alternative practitioner.
Narrator: The association also emphasizes this in the course participation conditions.
Christiane: I find it extremely interesting that doctors and alternative practitioners are on equal footing.
So it fits very well into this picture. In any case.
Narrator: Of course, I also asked Gregorian Bivolaru all these questions and many more. But there was no response from him or his lawyer by the time of publication.
The only thing we can find about his position is an article in French. In it, we read that Bivolaru stated, at the time he was arrested, that he assumed there was a political conspiracy.
He was a spiritual master and women loved him in his house after a step called initiation.
His lawyer is also cited. "Bivolaru's innocence will be proven." narrator: Liz has now undergone the first preventive examinations. Her chronic illness continues to bother her, and she is worried that she is now suffering the consequences of not going to the doctor for regular check-ups while she was at the yoga school.
Liz: Now, slowly, I've cooled my mind enough to realize that they're all just normal people doing their jobs. I finally managed to make an appointment. I think I haven't been there in two or four years.
narrator: She still lives on very little money, gets food from the food bank and finds it difficult to get along in the group. It is not easy for her to find a stable job and get along with her colleagues.
Liz: I was really extreme and blatantly radical, and at the slightest thing that was somehow against my attitude, I would immediately start declaring war and throwing everything at them.
narrator: At a counseling center, Liz learns that many of those who leave destructive groups have this rage. And she also learned that this anger is allowed. It's really important. During her time at DAtY, Liz always tried to fit in with her group. In a way, she drugged out all the feelings that didn't fit her. The anger she feels now comes from deep within her, from her inner Self that no longer wants to be ignored.
Liz: It's important for me to show my limits too, when I realize that something is not good enough for me to dare to say so. This is very important to me now.
narrator: She's also told at the counseling center that it's important for Liz to take her time. But that's exactly what she struggles with.
Liz: It's like a race against time now because I'm getting older. People who are my age now have already started a home or a family somewhere. So I'm already somewhere else. And I still have a long way to go.
I am not where others are. And I've had a lot of trouble in the last few months becoming more and more aware of this. And also of this immense pain, which I can no longer change. That's the way it is now and I have to make the best of what I have left. It's brutal, it's true that you've been robbed of an experience of a lifetime. 18 years.
narrator: December, 2023. Liz is outside the State Criminal Police Office building. Breathe deeply.
Liz: Seriously, I was shaking all the time. My legs were shaking. I couldn't do anything.
I actually wanted to prepare hard and write lyrics and stuff. None of this worked.
I had to go as I was.
narrator: Her therapist is there too. The two enter and meet with an officer from the human trafficking department.
Liz: I saw her and knew right away that I could trust her. She's nice, she's empathetic. I feel safe here and that was a big relief. Then there were only the three of us, so only women. And that was good and it gave me a lot of time and space and I was allowed to say everything.
I was finally allowed to say everything. And I had the feeling that I did everything for it.
narrator: Liz talks about her experiences at the German Traditional Yoga Academy.
About how she felt pressured to submit bikini photos to attend certain groups. About the challenges of the post.
Liz: When I sat there in this chair in front of this woman, I told her all the details of what I'd been through, and I started listening to myself, and I realized, "Oh, shit. , that's true, true.
All this really happened. I'm actually sitting here, right now." And it was true, I barely had any strength left. Somehow, I squeezed everything I could remember out of me with all my might, and it really wasn't easy.
narrator: Liz moves on. About how her therapist was said to be possessed by Satan, how her mindset was that doctors were demonic, how she wanted to invest all her money in herbs. And then, after two hours, she was done.
Liz: But it was a feeling like when you've been running for a long time and you finally reach your destination. So, and then, somehow, I managed to take all this baggage that I've always carried with me, like a huge mountain that I've always carried by myself, and I finally managed to take it somewhere and to say: "Okay, you are the experts. I will put this mountain of experience that I have in your hands and then you can do what you want. But you better get it right.” Narrator: We don't know if anything will come of it. The presumption of innocence applies here as well. But it was a very important moment for Liz. At the very end, she again says loud and clear that she wants to file a complaint.
Liz: When I said that sentence out loud in that huge building, it was my personal victory. It was the victory of my life. That was my Mount Everest.